Are You a Redneck?
Well, you wanted funny redneck sayings and now you have some. Do you wonder if you are a redneck? The following may help you decide. You may be a redneck if:
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think possum is “The Other White Meat”.
And you have a rag for a gas cap.
Think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
Are You a Redneck?
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke.
If brains were leather, he wouldn’t have enough to saddle a June bug.
The engine’s runnin’ but nobody’s driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.
He’s so dumb; he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
That boy’s two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy’s about two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.
You voted for Donald J. Trump, and are damn proud of it!
I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
I’m happier than a tornado in a trailer park.
She’s so clumsy she could trip over a cordless phone!
He’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
Well that just dills my pickle.
You look about as happy as a tick on a fat dog.
He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
He’s busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin’ contest.
She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.
He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
You could start an argument in an empty house.
You look as happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Why are you smilin’ like a goat in a briar patch?
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt.
He’s so rich; he buys a new boat each time one gets wet.
Well, don’t you look prettier than a glob of butter melting on a stack of wheat cakes!
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Examples of Redneck Slang
The following words and phrases are Southern for sure, and some would be considered more “rednecky” than others:
- (to) be too big for one’s britches – to think too highly of oneself
- britches – pants
- can’t carry a tune in a bucket – to be unable to sing at all
- clod-hopper – large, heavy shoes like those worn by farmers
- colder than a witch’s tit (in a brass bra in January) – the bit in parentheses simply adds some extra color to an already off-color (but quite effective) description of the weather
- (gosh) dang/darn/dern – a cleaner version of a well-known, blasphemous expletive
- dang/darn/dern tootin’ – an expression of agreement, as in, “Louella, you make the finest biscuits this side of the Mississippi.” “Dern tootin’.”
- fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down – if someone is unbelievably unattractive, looking as though they’ve been hit with several ugly sticks, this is the proper way to express that ugliness
- fixin’ to – getting ready/preparing to, as in, “I’m fixin’ to go to the Wal-Mart. Do y’all need anything?”
- get up with – to contact or get together with
- granny-slappin’ good (so good, it makes you want to slap your granny) – very good, usually delicious
- gussied up – cleaned up and dressed very nicely (perhaps formally)
- a hankerin’ for – a desire/craving for
- happy as a puppy with two peckers/peters – very happy
- high cotton – wealthy; successful (and maybe snobby)
- hit with the ugly stick – if someone is quite unattractive, you can say they look like they’ve been hit with the ugly stick
- honky-tonk – a bar, perhaps where country music is played live for folks to dance
- hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch – very hot
- how-do – shortened form of “How do you do?”
- If I had my druthers – if I had my way/my preference
- kin/kinfolk – family, especially extended family
- knee-high to a grasshopper – very young and small, as in, “The last time I saw you, you were knee-high to a grasshopper, and look how grown-up you are now!”
- lick – (noun) any amount at all, usually used in negative sentences such as, “I didn’t get a lick of work done today because my boss kept calling me in for meetings.” (verb) To beat up, as in, “I licked him good that time.”
- like herding cats – anything that is difficult to do, but especially anything that requires organizing difficult people (like small children)
- mash – to press or push, as in, “Mash that green button and turn on the computer.”
- (to) need something like one needs a hole in the head – Obviously you do not need a hole in your head; it’s even bad for you. Thus anything you definitely don’t need, and that might be detrimental to you in some way is described by this phrase.
- ornery – difficult to deal with; stubborn; finicky
- piddly/piddlin’ – a small amount (negative connotation)
- poop or get off the pot – make a decision and take action
- reckon – suppose, guess, as in, “I reckon we’ll see you at the reunion.”
- right – very (often surprisingly); an adverb usually used to modify adjectives, as in, “You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he’s a right good ball player.”
- rough talk – to speak harshly
- rubber-neck – to drive slowly so as to get a good look at a wreck or disabled vehicle on the side of the road. Those who rubber-neck are rubber-neckers.
- skedaddle – to leave hurriedly
- snug as a bug (in a rug) – very comfortable
- sugar – affection, as in, “Come here and give me some sugar.”
- sweet talk – to speak nicely, usually in order to get something you want
- tater – potato
- (to) think one’s s*** don’t stink – to think too highly of oneself
- tore up – broken/destroyed, as in, “I came home to find the curtains all tore up,” or, “My knee has been tore up since that skiing accident back in ’93.”
- uppity – snobby
- used to could – used to be able to, as in, “I can’t do a cartwheel any more, but I used to could.”
- useless as tits on a bull – utterly useless
- varmint – an animal (usually wild)
- Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. – an expression of surprise, shock and/or disbelief
- y’all – a contraction of you + all. This is the informal 2nd person plural in Southern English.
- yankee – a person from the North
- yapper – mouth
- younguns – young people
- you’uns – a contraction of you + ones. It is a collective plural as in “each of you.”